Excuse me ma'am, can I ask you a question? Are your nails natural?

Last night my husband took me to Golden Corral. The one we went to (like all of them) was kind of janky and full of bums and hobos and other people who haven't bathed lately. But I was a great sport and didn't even comment on the fact that a woman at the table next to us was not wearing shoes (just toe socks.) I don't think I would feel comfortable standing in the buffet line with just sweaty, macaroni encrusted socks on, but hey, whatev. Her call. To each her own.

Of course we both ate TONS of food, because that's what you do at Golden Corral. We left stuffed, and decided to walk our bloated selves around a nearby mall to burn at least fifty of the eight thousand calories we had just consumed. And I mean eight thosand each.

This is where I encountered my pet peeve. Even worse than macaroni and cheese on someone's exposed toe socks. You know the Dead Sea Cosmetics kiosks? I. Hate. Those. Salespeople. The are insane. They will do whatever it takes to get in your face and ask if your nails are natural. You zig, they zig. You zag, they zag. They will follow you into a store if they have to. They will physically separate a couple walking together. They are rabid. They want to buff your nails into the glossiest shine of your life. Which would be okay, but they are so annoying I want to throw them in the Dead Sea itself with cinder blocks tied to their obnoxious, pushy ankles. I've been in retail sales, and a part of me really wants to pity them- but if they could back off a little bit, I might buy the nail kit. I won't until they do.

And they have three kiosks in every mall in America. You can't escape. They set up in the narrowest corridor so they can badger at close range. Contrary to all logic, I now try to go the mall during their busiest weekend and holiday hours, just so there's less of a chance of a DSCSD (Dead Sea Cosmetics Sales Demon) attacking my face.

Here's to a holiday shopping season of generosity, peace, and trying not to kill the DSCSDs.