Corn Dog.

So this is how my costume turned out. Wearing this really made me feel powerful. I almost tazed someone just for fun. In fact, I don't think I'm going to stop dressing this way. Ever. Duane Chapman (Dog) should go back to jail or suffocate in his wife's bosom. Move over, Dog- I'm here to stay.

In other news, I'm excited because I get to see my favorite band tonight. I'm sure I'll put up photos from the show tomorrow.

Toothpaste for Dinner.

I recently found a web comic that I love. Apparently, I'm out of the loop because it's several years old- check it out. I don't think I'm quite nerdy enough to get all the jokes, but I am nerdy enough to get most of them. Which I am proud of.

If you don't get the jokes, go ask an IT guy. He can help. If he refuses to help, bribe him. I know what nerds like:

Comic books
Renaissance Fair(e)s
Socks + Sandals
Living with their parents at age 35
RPGs (I didn't know what that was until I saw this video.)
Editing Wikipedia entries
Babylon 5
Illegal downloading
World of Warcraft
Math
Pwning n00bz
Pet tarantulas
Shirts with dragons on them
Using message boards prove their superiority over other dorks
Calories

Disclaimer: I love nerds! They're adorkable. Plus I'm pretty sure blogging about nerds and nerdy web comics makes me much nerdier than anyone else I know. How many times can I say 'nerd'? Nerdy McNerdensteinerNerdsonvilleburgerNerdmanbacher.

Ween. Halloween.

I think I am too old to dress up for Halloween. I kinda don't want to. On the other hand, dressing up means one less day I have to wear business clothes to work. I kinda don't like business clothes. I find it difficult to wear shoes on a regular basis, much less the whole corporate getup.

At my office, HR made a point of letting everyone know that if you're going to dress up, you have to really dress in costume, you can't just wear sweats and be a punk and say 'oh I'm a casually dressed comfortable employee' on Halloween. So there goes my plan.

Plan B: Dog the Bounty Hunter.

All I really need is an awesome mullet wig with beads and a wicked attitude. Check and check.

Surely this will be better than last year when I was an emo poptart.

That's me on the far right, obvi.

Yo Duggety.

Let's talk about the Duggar family. You know, those jumper-clad Arkansas people with 17 children?


Oops, wrong photo.



That's better. I like the Duggars. Why? Part of my interest in them comes from the fact that I grew up pretty differently. I'm an only child, a product of public schools, and my mom worked a full time job while I was growing up. Thus, they probably think I'm going to hell- I'm just glad I didn't spend my childhood days changing my brother's poopy diapers, being forced to play the Gaither Vocal Band's greatest hits on piano and churning butter.

Another cool thing is the mom's gravity defying bangs.


They look kind of soft despite their shape. I bet she hides babies in there sometimes. Plus, mom Michelle is creative. She came up with 17 'J' names for those kids. Okay, so Jebediah and Jedediah could get confusing, and Jinger is a stretch, but still- kudos to her for thinking of all those names.

You know what else is a stretch? Michelle Duggar's UTERUS.

It will be fascinating to see what this family is like twenty years from now. When you have that many children, your chance that some of them will be freaks as adults goes way up. I just can't wait for the book release Jinger's Story: My Journey Out of Conservative Middle America and in to Transsexual Nazi Hooker Scientology.

MCI (More Conrad Interaction)

Tonight is Hills night. I am excited. I love this show. I hate that I love it, but still.

Is it just me, or is it a little weird that Lauren's sister has never been in an episode of The Hills? Breanna Conrad was on season three of Laguna, and I figured the producers would stage a little phone call or lunch date every now and then on The Hills, but no such. I like Breanna and I think a little Conrad sisterly love would be great to watch. Breanna's face is somewhat unfortunate, but other than that she seems like a cool kid sis.

Maybe 'unfortunate' was a little harsh. Breanna's handsome.

Three questions for BC:

1) Is it hard for you to hide your weiner when you wear those short skirts on the beach?
2) Will you be my boyfriend?
3) Can you introduce me to Whitney? I want to be Whitney.

My favorite Newton is Olivia Newton John...

I've noticed a lot of women blog about cosmetics. Since I can't seem to figure out what to write about, I think I'll try it.

One problem I have with makeup is that I can't seem to find any foundation pale enough for me. Do they make a clear one with blue veins in it? Because that's what my face looks like. Maybe I'll just start using flour as face powder, no one will no the difference.

These are both too dark for me. Is the makeup industry discriminating against albinism? I might have to put on my suing pants.

You know who should be sued for being kind of awesome? Wayne Newton. Even though he is my exact opposite, I love him. He's a jewel.

Here's a chart I made about it. Click to enlarge.



Also, I want to find out what kind of eyeliner Wayne uses. It's beautiful. See?



Wayne Newton, if you read my blog (which you probably do, because you are a shining beacon of personal greatness), please teach me the way of the smoky eye. You're obviously the master. You look like a soft puppet. Do you use your own chest hair to exfoliate your face? Cool.

Rainbows, guilt trips back in time

I bought the new Radiohead album for zero dollars, which is a steal of a deal because:

1) the album is pretty fahreeking excellent.
2) zero dollars, by definition, is a steal of a deal.

I feel the need to write a sheepish letter to Thom Yorke that's all like,

'Hey, I really appreciate you, and I'm so sorry I didn't give you any money for In Rainbows- but it's okay because I gave you dollars for lots of other albums (couch cushion money/money from saving my lunch change nonetheless) and even though I think you're great, I also think it's great when things are free because I'm not a rockstar like you, so sorry, but thanks again. You're the best.'

In other news, I think I might miss Oklahoma.

Kind of weird.

Also, as of today, I've been married for two months.