Is my life coming to this?

Nothing like kicking off a new blog with a discourse on poop. Don't worry, I promise each post will not be quite as uncouth.

Basically, I adore this product:

Everyone poops. Now, I'm not one of these communist hipster crazies who wants to take away the stall doors or smear turds on a canvas- but I can acknowledge that part of being human is this little jewel of a restroom activity. Even the daintiest old ladies take craps that would scare Beowulf.

The urge to poop can be really sudden and that's scary when you're at someone else's home. You never know how much oomph any given domestic toilet will put into it's flush. Pooping in an unfamiliar bathroom is truly an adventure. My hope is that you, me, and all our friends avoid any horrible scenarios that could- God forbid it- arise. There's nothing worse than a trip to the inlaws that ends in 'OhMyDearSweetHolyGoodnessWhereDoTheyKeepThePlungerMyFecesIsRising' crashing through your head over and over.

But now, because of this product, Febreze Air Effects, there's one less thing to worry about. Sure, it freshens as well as Oust or any other commodity. But the real beauty is in the design of the can. See the spout? It delicately releases a quiet mist of air freshener.

Quiet.

This is fantastic news for people like me, who, have lived with years of taking every precaution (sink running, toilet paper in first) to not have anyone EVER hear a plop, only to be given away by the telltale KSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH of some cheap ass can of Glade (or Equate Air Freshener, compare to Glade) letting everyone in an acre radius know that I just dropped a deuce. (As if me being in there for ten solid minutes didn't. I digress.)

I urge each and every one of you (which is mostly just my mom because she is the only person reading this) to grab a can today. Your guests with spontaneous bowel needs will appreciate your forethought.

Also, if you read this whole thing, your attention span is excellent.